Grief doesn’t knock before it comes in.
It shows up like an unexpected storm; dark clouds rolling in, winds shifting, and suddenly the world feels unfamiliar. One moment, you’re living your life, and the next, everything you thought was steady has changed.

Sometimes it’s the loss of a person.
Sometimes it’s the loss of a dream, a home, or a version of life you thought you’d have. Either way, something has shifted, and you’re left wondering how to move forward when your heart feels heavy.

When my mom passed away, I remember feeling like the rest of the world was moving in fast-forward while I was stuck in slow motion. People laughed, ran errands, and made dinner plans… and I just stood there, trying to make sense of the fact that she wasn’t here anymore. That’s the strange thing about grief—it’s invisible to everyone else, but it can fill every inch of your own life.

Grief Isn’t a Straight Line

People often talk about the “stages” of grief, based on Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s work (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance). But here’s the truth: grief doesn’t politely move from stage to stage like steppingstones.

It’s more like a tangled ball of yarn. One day you feel a wave of sadness, the next you’re angry, and then, out of nowhere, you’re laughing at a memory. Some days you circle back to emotions you thought you’d already “worked through.” That doesn’t mean you’re failing. It just means you’re human.

Grief is not a project you finish; it’s a reality you learn to live with. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It means learning to carry the loss with a little more ease over time.

Why It Feels Different for Everyone

You can stand beside someone who’s been through the same loss and feel completely different. That’s because grief is shaped by who we are, the relationship we had, our coping styles, and even our culture or faith.

Some people cry openly.
Others go numb for months.
Some dive into work. Others barely have the energy to get out of bed.
And that’s okay, grief doesn’t follow a single script.

It can even look different at different times of day. Mornings might feel impossible while evenings feel a bit lighter. Or maybe holidays and anniversaries bring back a flood of memories long after you thought the worst had passed.

One of the most healing things you can do is give yourself permission to grieve in your way. Just because your grief looks different than someone else’s doesn’t make it wrong.

Grief Beyond Death

When we think of grief, we often connect it to death. And while the death of a loved one is one of the deepest losses a person can experience, it’s not the only kind. Grief can arise anytime life shifts in a way that feels permanent.

You might grieve:

• The end of a relationship or divorce.
• A friendship that drifts apart.
• A miscarriage or infertility.
• The loss of a job or career path you worked hard for.
• Moving away from a beloved home, community, or culture.
• A serious health diagnosis or the loss of physical ability.
• Even the quiet loss of an imagined future you thought was certain.

Each of these losses leaves a mark. They change how you see yourself, how you see others, and how you see the future. And though people may dismiss these kinds of grief, saying things like “At least you can try again,” or “You’ll find another job,” your pain is still real and valid.

Naming these experiences as grief helps us honor them. It gives us permission to slow down, to mourn, and to heal, instead of pushing ourselves to “just get over it.”

How to Live Inside the Ache

You can’t rush grief, but there are small ways to survive it:

• Feel what you feel. Don’t judge yourself for your emotions, whether they’re sadness, anger, guilt, or even moments of joy. Every feeling has its place.
• Talk when you can. To a friend, a therapist, or a support group. Saying things out loud can lighten the load.
• Care for your body. Grief is exhausting. Rest, eat, and move. Your body is carrying a lot.
• Find ways to remember. Light a candle, keep a photo close, tell their stories. Rituals help anchor us.
• Give it time…and space. Healing isn’t linear. Some days will feel lighter, others heavier, and both are normal.
• Name where you are. Sometimes simply recognizing, “I’m in the anger stage today,” or “This is a wave of sadness,” can be powerful. Naming your experience doesn’t erase the pain, but it can give you perspective and a reminder that what you’re feeling is part of the process.

It can also help to practice gentleness with yourself. On hard days, try asking, “What’s one small thing I can do to care for myself right now?” Sometimes that answer is making tea, stepping outside for fresh air, or simply lying down without guilt. Grief requires more energy than we realize.

The Hope You Can’t See Yet

When you’re in the thick of it, it’s hard to believe the pain will ever soften. In the beginning, the waves feel constant and overwhelming. Over time, the space between them grows. The water is still there, but you learn how to float.

You never “get over” the loss. You carry it with you, like a scar that doesn’t hurt as much but will always be part of your story. And strangely, that scar can make you softer toward others, more grateful for small joys, more aware of what matters most.

Some even find that grief awakens a deeper sense of compassion. You start to notice others’ pain more quickly. You show up more fully in conversations. You appreciate the ordinary like morning sunlight, a shared laugh, and a quiet meal, in ways you didn’t before.

If you’re grieving right now, hear this: you’re not broken, and you’re not alone. The depth of your grief is the depth of your love. And while this chapter of your life is heavy, it’s also proof that you dared to love deeply in a world where nothing lasts forever.